The self-help marketplace of personal coaching services, self-help books/audiobooks, and weight loss programs is huge – worth billions of dollars every year [$11 Billion Self-Improvement Market Is Growing, But Has Its Critics | WebWire].  Every month it seems there is another best-selling self-help book advising us on how to improve ourselves and live a better life.  It has always struck me that there is a lot of repetition and overlap between these books, and I recently ran across a newsletter article that affirmed that conclusion:  “The Best Self-Help Book Advice Distilled to 11 Simple Rules” [The best self-help book advice distilled to 11 simple rules | Mashable].  The author, Chris Taylor,[i] explains why he wrote the article:

But hey, if it’s all pretty much the same stuff — and it is — why stop at distilling it into a single book? Why not condense the repeated lessons of an entire genre into one article? That’s what I’ve attempted here, after reading dozens of history’s biggest bestsellers so you don’t have to. Here is the essence of the advice I’ve seen delivered again and again.

  1. Take one small step.
    • …what matters in the short term is the repetition, which takes your behavior out of the limited realm of willpower and makes it automatic…make your daily practice “too small to fail.”
  2. Change your mental maps.
    • In achieving any goal, basically, you have to thoroughly visualize your preferred end result, then work backwards in precisely-planned steps…the process may take years…you’re playing the long game.
  3. Struggle is good.  Scary is good.
    • …shift your mental framework so that you expect and even welcome the worst instead of fearing it…getting your ass off the couch and putting butterflies in your stomach is a necessary part of every stoic self-help plan.
  4. Instant judgment is bad.
    • Call it empathy, call it compassion, call it playing devil’s advocate, call it examining your privilege…it’s all one and the same purpose — avoiding a rush to judgment about your fellow humans.
  5. Remember the end of your life.
    • Because when we remember we’re going to die, the inane squabbles of daily life tend to fall away, revealing a sudden clarity of purpose. 
  6. Be playful.
    • Life is way too short to give any care whatsoever about what other people think of you when you’re living your best life…no matter how difficult your task is, you can always make it playful.
  7. Be useful to others.
    • Being useful to others…allows us to employ our particular talents, our quirks, and it gives them a direction…find the thing that makes you you, then use it in a way that will help as much of humanity as possible…this is as close as we get to the meaning of life.
  8. Perfectionism = procrastination.
    • Perfect results are impossible in this world, so if you’re expecting them, of course you’re going to procrastinate…you get started, no matter whether you’re ready…sometimes you learn best by doing, by throwing yourself in at the deep end.
  9. Sleep, exercise, eat, chill out.  Repeat.
    • Being human means accepting the limitations and maintenance of our body…and yes, sorry, we need to exercise daily…it really is a silver bullet that boosts our resilience while reducing pain, inflammation, depression, and the stress hormone cortisol…but if you don’t make room for the simple pleasures…you will never be fully refreshed and restored and ready to give back to the world.
  10. Write it all down.
    • …you aren’t going to get far without writing…you need to hone a plan…you need to visualize…you need to make lists…capture literally everything you think you might have to do or want to do, now or in the future…then for each item, either do it immediately (if it takes less than 5 minutes), defer it (to a specific date or a “someday/maybe” list) or delegate it (if you’re lucky enough to have people to do stuff for you).
  11. You can’t get it all from reading.
    • If you read an author who claims you can get literally everything you need from their book or article, that’s not self-help…it’s a cult. Luckily, almost all writers admit the limitations of reading in a well-rounded life improvement program. At some point, you need to put the book down and do the work.

One lesson I take from this list of rules is to be skeptical of the latest and greatest self-help fads – just stick to the basics.  I am reminded of a similar situation regarding management books and advice, which I wrote about in a previous blog post:  Done any “Fad Surfing” Lately? – Court Leader.  Best-selling management books appear regularly, each touting a wonderful way to become a better leader and manager.  As with self-help books, be skeptical and stick to the basics![ii]

If you have any comments about these 11 rules, especially if you have a suggestion for an additional (12th!) rule, please submit a comment.  Meanwhile, we can all do our best to improve ourselves and our lives!  Good luck!

[i] Taylor writes regularly on a wide range of interesting topics in Mashable:  Chris Taylor | Mashable.

[ii] A great place to start is Leadership – NACM Core

Unknown's avatar

Published by Norman Meyer

After 38 years as a trial court administrator in the state and federal courts in the U.S., Norman continues to write, teach, and otherwise participate in judicial administration activities world-wide. In particular, he is active in the International Association for Court Administration (IACA) as a past Regional Vice President and Advisory Board member, in the National Association for Court Management (NACM) as a Past President (having received NACM's Award of Merit), and as an Associate of the Justice Speakers Institute. Norman has extensive experience working on international Rule of Law projects, particularly in the Russian Federation, Serbia, Ukraine, Moldova, and Albania. Norman is a Phi Beta Kappa graduate of the University of New Mexico (Political Science and Russian Studies), and he received the Master of Science in Judicial Administration from the University of Denver College of Law.

Leave a comment